walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
