while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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