I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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