Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
