u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
