Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
