she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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