My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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