No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
