She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
