is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
