Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
