I cockslap morals
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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