I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
