Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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