Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
