also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
