she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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