At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
