Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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