she was so not down for the gang bang
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
