just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
