Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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