what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
