We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
