idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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