Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hippo gnu deer
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
