I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
