Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
