Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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