we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
