I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
