Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My liver just broke up with me...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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