Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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