I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
