pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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