I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
