I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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