it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
