I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
