Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
