True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
