ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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