he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
