don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
