i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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