the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
