Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
