Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
