Pants 0. Shit 1.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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