You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
