Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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