Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
